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I still remember that first day. It seems so long away now, that first day that Draco came home early. I still remember disjointedly recognizing his panicked voice through the haze of my mind, the sheer and utter terror filling his eyes. But then, what else do you expect when your boyfriend comes home to find you tied down to your own bed, naked and nearly unconscious, his old school tie pulled so tight around your neck it’s left a mottled collar of bruises in its wake?
Shame filled me instantly at being caught… he knew my secret now, and I knew he’d be appalled. Apparently I was wrong though, at least about him knowing, for he scrambled to untie the spelled-bindings at my neck and wrists and ankles, murmuring frantic words of love and comfort as he freed me and gathered me close. And then my guilt and mortification all but rocketed off the charts as I realized the conclusion he had drawn; he thought I’d been attacked. He thought I’d been tied up, left for dead, possibly even raped.. he was petting my hair, my back, telling me it would be alright. I looked up then and saw his usually hard grey eyes were brimmed with tears and I was on the brink of tears myself, trying hard to pull back, squirm away but I was still weak from the lack of oxygen and again he thought I was trying to get away for shame of what had been done to me… well, he was half right anyway.
After a brief struggle I managed to crawl to where my wand had gotten lost amongst the pillows, mumbling past my bruised and swollen throat the words to the healing charm I’d used a countless thousand times before, as well as the cleansing charm that erased all traces of my pleasure. At this he cried out, saying something about forensics and DNA testing and I knew it was a bad idea to let him watch those detective shows on the tellie. I paid him no heed though, tugging on my jeans and t-shirt, still in a careless pile on the floor, trying to avoid looking at him, trying not to hear his quiet sobbing. Draco rarely cries, and when he does it takes quite a lot to push him to the point. Hearing the tears choking his voice, I knew he assumed this was all his fault somehow, and that if he’d come home sooner, if he’d not gone into work that day, that everything would have been alright, he would have protected me. The thing is, there’s no way he could protect me from myself…
By then he’d risen shakily from the bed to join me, carefully wrapping his arms around me as if he thought I might break, fall to pieces before his eyes.
“Harry I… what happened, love? Please tell me, I’ll make it better, I promise I just… please, don’t run away. Don’t leave, let me help…”
He could feel my muscles jump in anticipation of flight, I know, and he was right, I was contemplating bolting.
“I’ll floo the Ministry, love.. they’ll keep it quiet, find out who..”
“There is no ‘who’ Draco.”
Again I tried to wriggle free but he was expecting it, tightened his grasp, turned me round so I was looking straight into his tear streaked face as my own tears of shame finally spilled forth and I felt like my body was burning alive with guilt.
“But… the person who tied you up, who…”
“I did that.”
Shock made Draco pliant and I pulled away, unable to look at him any longer, feel his teary eyes boring into me, his gentle hands stroking my back.
“You? But… why, Harry? How? I mean…”
I ran my hands through my hair, gingerly touching my still-tender throat as I paced a few strides.
“It’s… I don’t know. I… I do it sometimes, when you’re not home. I always feel like, no matter how much I l..love you and how good you make me feel, it’s never enough. You’re… always so gentle, so careful. Sometimes I just wish you’d… hurt me, before you kiss me better…”
I trailed off and for a long time Draco stood there before his knees gave out with shock and he sank back to sit on the edge of the bed.
“So the cum on your stomach…”
“Was my own.”
I murmured, unable to meet his eyes.
“And the bindings on your wrists and ankles?”
“So.. so I would feel… helpless.”
He stood again, seemingly unable to sit any longer and began pacing, his voice laced with sighs and quiet curses.
“And my tie?”
I was feeling panicked by this point, cornered by my breaking heart and shame, like the walls were closing in. Draco’s voice was slowly rising, but I knew I owed him this, knew he deserved to know…
“I… I imagine it’s you… that we’re fighting again, like back in school..”
Here he grabbed me about the shoulders, turning me harshly around, shaking me slightly and the look in his eyes… well, it was not what I expected. Despite the anger in his voice I saw worry, fear even, pure and deep and genuine and desperate.
“Harry that tie’s been missing since before we graduated! How… you… Harry that’s autoerotic asphyxiation! People die from that!”
Here he pulled me close once more, burying his face in my hair, roughly stroking my face and if I could have disappeared at that moment I would have because the warmth and love he exuded were more than I could bare. And then he did something that caught me completely off guard; he leaned in and pressed warm, tender kisses along my still-pink throat, petting the back of my neck in a comforting manner, hot tears pooling on my collar bone as he whispered to me:
“Promise me, promise me you won’t do this to yourself ever again…”
and I broke because I knew that no matter what I would never be satisfied with the way things were, with only our love and tender caresses. I knew that for as much as I craved everything he gave me I wanted, needed MORE, and I tearfully pulled back to tell him so when, to my surprise, I realized he’d stopped crying, and even though his eyes were still puffy, his cheeks wet, a smirk graced his face, so heart-stoppingly, gorgeously sinister despite it all and he whispered to me:
“Let me do it for you.”
And then the hand that had been petting my neck shifted and tightened until his long, pale fingers wrapped about me like some sort of absurd necklace, squeezing slowly harder and harder as he leaned in to claim my lips with his, spreading open my mouth for him to ravage with his tongue much the way he would soon spread open and ravage my body. Slowly he guided me back to the bed, the hand around my throat loosening to slide down my body, scraping his nails down my chest and sides and arms before catching my wrists, one in each hand and slowly tying me back down to the bed, only much more securely this time.
“You like this, do you, Harry?”
I felt the slide of silk then against my thigh and when I looked he cuffed me across the face, hard enough to bruise my tender lower lip before sliding the noose of his tie around my throat and pulling it tight, using it as a lead by which to tug me closer, kissing and licking at my newly swelling lip.
“You want me to hurt you? To break you? To own you?”
I felt his hand then, caressing my thigh where the silk had been only moments before and this time I knew not to look down, enduring the slow torture as he skillfully scraped and tugged and caressed, all the while skirting around my already painfully hard and weeping cock, smearing the puddle of pre-cum around my balls, making it drip down between my thighs. This he tenderly lapped up, savoring my taste before swallowing my cock whole at the same moment he yanked the tie a notch tighter.
“Your life in my hands along with your pleasure?”
I felt my world blur and realign indefinitely as he controlled my intake of air, all the while leisurely mouthing my cockhead, rubbing it against the roof of his mouth before swallowing me deep once more only to draw his head back slowly, scraping his impossibly sharp canines against the heavy, throbbing vein on the underside. If I’d had control of my own lungs, I would have screamed. For hours it seems he played with me, bringing me first to the point of orgasm, then the precipice of unconsciousness, then back again. Over and over he’d tighten his tie, using it to pull me forward against my bonds until I thought my shoulders might snap from the pressure, pulling me until I could practically suck the head of mine own dick. He’d then resume his slow and constant tongue bath on my cock, occasionally moving up the few inches it took to lathe my lips with the same attention. I was then able to watch up close as he tongued the weeping slit, gathering up my pre-cum in a thick white string and spreading it across my swollen lips with his tongue in a hot and thorough kiss. When he could no longer feel my hot breath panting on his face in regular gusts while he tortured my purple cock he released me, pushing me roughly onto my back and parting my thighs. Even with my throat so constricted I found the strength to moan as he coated his fingers with saliva and my own constantly oozing pre-cum before shoving two long, tapered digits deep inside me, twisting them, scissoring the apart, battering them hard along my unprepared walls.
“please.. dra..co.. please…”
I mangaged to wheeze as he hoisted my legs over his shoulders and, without further notice, withdrew his fingers and shoved himself full inside with one endless, painful thrust that had my cock spasming, a broken scream ripping past the constriction crushing my throat.
“Please what, Harry? Please more? Please fuck you like the desperate slut you are?”
I know I would have come instantly had Draco not clenched his fist viciously around my balls, so instead I merely nodded weakly and whined, trying my best to hump back against his deeply seated cock. He caught the hint quickly.
I cried out with that first thrust, and each one after it. The feel of skin on skin, the tight, perfect, impossible friction as he drove himself inside me over and over, again and again, slamming me down into the mattress, it was better than anything I’d ever felt. My vision was progressively blurring, only in part due to the fact that Draco all but ripped my glasses off, flinging them across the room as he roughed me up, biting my lips until I tasted blood. The world around me was beginning to go grey again, my legs arching and shaking and scrambling on the bed to gain purchase, the muscles in my thighs cramping up as I felt mind shattering release building in my roaring blood, pounding through every cell of my body. And then, he pulled out of the kiss, rearing back and grabbing hold of the tie, hoisting my lolling head up till I was nearly sitting, cutting off my air flow completely and shoving deep and hard again and again and he leaned in close enough that even as the world went black I could see his eyes, no longer filled with tears and he whispered again and again “Yes, Harry. I love you… I love you… I love you… Promise me, Harry, promise…” as my entire body exploded from the very center of my heart out, leaving me gaping and trembling and with the last bit of strength I had before darkness claimed me I mouthed the words “I promise”. It’s a promise I wouldn’t dream of breaking.