Chapter Text
Standard Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling, various publishers including, but not limited to, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Additions to Disclaimer: The plot bunny for this was created from 'Just the Girl' by The Click Five. The lyrics are in italics throughout the chapter, but I've changed all the feminine pronouns to masculine ones.
Anything in quotation marks (whenever Harry or Draco say anything) are straight from J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series. The first two quotations are from Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s/Sorcerer’s Stone, and the third and final quotation is from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
This fic was supposed to be a one-shot, but I saw a challange that I couldn't resist. I'm not going to reveal the challenge or the person who made it yet, (because I'd rather keep the plot a surprise for now) but I definitely will credit the person later. Once again, the plot for this fic is NOT my idea; it is a Challenge Response.
Author’s Notes: Thanks to all the wonderful people who reviewed my last fic!
Paragraphs within *~ ~* are Harry’s memories.
Prologue
He's cold and he's cruel,
but he knows what he's doin'...
Harry’s head snapped back as the hex hit him in the chest. He couldn’t breathe. Colors swirled through his vision, almost obliterating the cold, cruel face of Draco Malfoy. His chest burned. His eyes burned too. Tears? That couldn’t be right. Why would he cry now? Shouldn’t he have expected this? No. He had always wanted something else.
It didn’t matter now. Now it was too late. Blood spilled on the hatred of a rejected friendship.
Suddenly, a flicker of pain knifed through silver eyes.
...He laughs at my dreams
But I dream about his laughter
*~The pain would echo in Harry’s soul long after the mocking laughter had died away. Harry dreamed about that glittering laughter sometimes. But it was softer. It did not cut through wistful hopes and eyelash wishes like slivers of glass. But it still glittered.~*
Strange as it seems
he's the one I'm after
*~Harry would hunch over his sweaty, sticky bed sheets late at night and still hear that laughter. Why? Because there was no one else. There never had been.~*
'Cause he's bittersweet
He knocks me off of my feet
*~Harry’s jaw throbbed with agony. He stood straight and tall and tried to smirk with the same vivid flash of hatred that Malfoy showed. He couldn’t. He felt cold and dead in the face of Mafoy’s burning anger. But he couldn’t show that. At least this way there was something. Something alive and needy and hateful and wanting. Otherwise he would face icy disdain. And Harry couldn’t bear to feel that. He lunged at Malfoy.~*
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
*~He had dated a few other girls. That was when the cold was the worst. He would walk through the halls of Hogwarts in a haze of numbness. Until Malfoy came along. Then Harry would provoke a fight. Because it was better to feel pain than nothing at all. It was better to feel his burning hatred than nothing at all.~*
He's a mystery
He's too much for me
*~What had Harry really known about Draco Malfoy? Nothing. Once upon a time, the only information Harry had wanted to know about Malfoy was where and when he had died. Perhaps he would have spared a silent plea that Malfoy’s death had been long and painful.
What did Harry know about Draco Malfoy? Everything. Every single thing Malfoy allowed to be seen. Every controlled emotion, every careless laugh, every flicker in his frozen eyes; Harry hated them all.
What did Harry want to know about Draco Malfoy? Everything. Every inch of his pale skin, every taste of his full mouth, every joy, everysorrow, everypain,everypleasure… until Draco existed only for Harry. And Harry for him.~*
But I keep comin' back for more
He's just the one I'm lookin' for
*~Once, or maybe more times than he could count, Harry had clenched his teeth until his jaw ached and turned the tap until it sprayed ice cold water on him. He had been burning with want and shame. It had licked over his skin in frozen flames after the convulsive shudders of his orgasm. His desires had been numbed under that harsh downpour… for the moment.
He had scraped his nails against his scalp, then caught the ends of his hair and pulled. Disgusted with himself, he had slid down the wall of the shower stall and turned his face into the stinging needles of water. He had had the vague thought that the water would leech away all his color.
Until his jet-black hair turned to silky blond strands and his vivid green eyes faded to cold gray. A perfect sneer would pull at his full pink lips and Harry would feel warm again…
Harry’s thoughts had crystallized into diamond-hard need, painful and cutting with his every breath.
The shame had pulled at his straight shoulders until he bent his head again and dug his nails into his palm with a weary groan.~*
And the more he ignores me
The more I adore him
*~Harry hated it when Malfoy ignored him. When those biting grey eyes looked through him. He would do anything to whip that glacial gaze into cold fire. The one time he could bear losing Malfoy’s attention was during mealtimes in the Great Hall. Harry would spend that loud, busy time with his thoughts and eyes focused totally on Malfoy. All too often, however, Malfoy would skip meals. And Harry couldn’t breathe or see for the loss.
Once, twice, a hundred burning, painful times, Harry had missed seeing Malfoy in the Great Hall. An entire meal had passed in darkness and the bitter taste of ashes. Has he finally left to join Voldemort? Does he have the Dark Mark? Will I have to face him on the battlefield? Will I be able to kill my...
And that was the problem, wasn’t it? What did Draco mean to Harry?
Nothing.
Joysorrowpainpleasurelaughtertearsmine
Life.~*
What can I do?
I'd do anything for him
*~Sometimes, Harry wondered how it would feel to talk to Malfoy. To convince him to leave the Death Eaters and join the Order of the Phoenix. To join Harry.
To leave his father and his family and his friends for a group of Gryffindors who would never accept him.
To scream and rage at Malfoy because they had grown in this wave of hate that crested at sticky blankets and self-loathing showers.~*
Cause he's bittersweet
He knocks me off of my feet
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
*~Harry would try to get rid of this strange, burningly shameful obsession. He had to. It was wrong and nothing good could ever come of it. These thoughts, hopes, and dreams of what could have been were useless.
So Harry swallowed his revulsion at himself and taken countless freezing showers. Until his tears were drowned in ice water and he prayed for warmth with every breath.~*
He's a mystery
He's too much for me
But I keep comin' back for more
He's just the one I'm lookin' for
*~When Draco was present in the Great Hall, Harry’s eyes would keep turning to Malfoy’s face as he mechanically chewed his food.
Malfoy liked chicken and ham pie and chocolate mousse. Harry liked those too, though they weren’t his favorites. Maybe they could share a meal one day…
Harry froze inside. His gaze strayed to Malfoy, who was animatedly discussing something with Zabini.
Harry clenched his fork until his fingers were white. He wondered if Malfoy knew Harry liked pasta and treacle tart.~*
But I can't give up just yet
Cause every word he's ever said
Is still ringin' in my head
Still ringin' in my head
*~Harry would often think on their story. Their spin on ‘Once upon a time…’:
"You'll soon find out that some wizarding families are better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there."
"I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks."
An incomplete but incontrovertible end. One without a ‘happily ever after’. ~*
He's cold and he's cruel
But he knows what he's doin'
Knows just what to say
So my whole day is ruined
*~Harry remembered almost every insult Malfoy had ever thrown at him. They made him feel. They roared through his mind and woke him from his terrible, numb silence. Every sneer and smirk cut him inside until he felt bruised and broken.
“You've picked the losing side, Potter! I warned you! I told you, you ought to choose your company more carefully, remember? When we met on the train, first day at Hogwarts? I told you not to hang around with riffraff like this! Too late now, Potter! They'll be the first to go, now the Dark Lord's back! Mudbloods and Muggle-lovers first! Well – second – Diggory was the f–”
That had been a completely different kind of pain. It had burned his skin and frozen in his veins. That was when Harry had snapped.~*
'Cause he's bittersweet
He knocks me off of my feet
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
*~ Harry had tried to get rid of this strange, burningly shameful obsession. But how could he? How could he possibly destroy someone he’d made a part of himself? Long after the tears were dry and his eyes hot and aching, Harry would still feel numb. Until he dreamed and the tears flowed down his face like hot life’s blood.
No, he could no more free himself of thoughts, hopes, and dreams of Malfoy than he could stop breathing.~*
He's a mystery
He's too much for me
But I keep comin' back for more
Oh, I keep comin' back for more
He's just the one I'm lookin' for
Pain? Harry searched Draco Malfoy's expression and realized it truly was one of shocked pain and guilt.
Harry watched in a haze of stunned agony as Malfoy bit his lip uncertainly, and then suddenly lifted the spell. He swallowed and looked at Harry, who lay almost unconscious on the ground. Malfoy looked like he was going to be sick. Almost stumbling in his haste to get away, Malfoy locked eyes with Harry for a split second before righting himself with a stricken look on his face.
Harry’s eyes dropped closed in pain. When he opened them again by sheer effort of will, Malfoy had taken a few panicked steps closer to him. Noticing Harry’s gaze, Malfoy whitened and froze in his tracks. Then he whipped around and shot down the hall, his footsteps echoing hollowly in the silent corridor.
Harry rolled onto his front and slowly got to his feet. He leaned against the stone wall, gasping for breath. His gasps turned into choked, wheezing laughter. Pressing his hot, sweaty palms to the cold, rough stone, Harry laughed until he had a stitch in his side.
Then, reveling in the feeling of his muscles aching in protest and the feel of the cold dungeon air knifing through his ruffled hair and over his heated skin, he began to make his long way back up to Gryffindor tower.
He'd finally found what he had been looking for.
Just the one I'm lookin' for
Author’s Notes: This is my second fic and I do not have a beta reader, so please keep that in mind and leave a review. Comments and (constructive) criticism are welcome!